I've Got Sand in my Eye!
by winged gorganzola
Summary: What happens when a certain Hyuuga has to guard the Kazekage? Insanity, of course!
1. Kazekage Guarding Respect the Hyuuga!

Okay, people, back again

Okay, people, back again. While I was off bashing my head into a wall because most of the stuff I haven't posted yet is still total crap, I had an epiphany. For those of you who don't know what that is (I had to go look it up, too, I admit), it's an idea. Sort of. I really don't feel like getting the dictionary. Again. Anywho, I had an idea. I should write something! Maybe if I try, it won't suck! As bad. Ah well. I tried, right? Cookies for **GaaraGirl18**.

Disclaimer: me no own. If I did, I would SO kick Sasuke's ass.

SasukeUchihaHasGastricDistress

"He was powerful. He was young. He was rich. His hair had the silkiness if the finest scarlet threads. Subaku no Gaara was the most desirable man in Suna. He was the Kazekage. I was to guard him with my life. My squad and I were to be his escorts during his stay in Konoha."

"I am Hyuuga Neji. This is my story. It is my destiny to guard this man, just as it is his destiny to be guarded."

"Neji-san! Stop with the annoying voice-over already! No one cares about your destiny!" screamed Sakura, my teammate for this mission.

Gaara-sama looked slightly amused. It was obvious that he wanted her to continue.

"Shut up, Haruno-san. You are weak."

"Hey! I told you to call me Sakura-chan, okay? And I'm not so weak anymore!" As if to prove this, she walked right up to me and punched me in the face, knocking me to the ground. A horrible crack sounded through the Hokage's office as my jaw broke. "Now why don't you just do us all a favor and get that infernal stick OUT OF YOUR ASS!!"

Needless to say, I was quite annoyed. Pain was exploding through my face with each passing second. Holding my tender jaw with one hand, I got up and scowled at her with all my fury. I couldn't speak, so I just let my body respond for me. I glared daggers at her and she visibly flinched. To top it all off, I kicked her smartly in the shin. Take _that­, _face-breaker.

"S-Sakura-chan, Ne-Neji-nii-chan, stop it n-now, please," stuttered my cousin, Hinata. Pacifist.

Lady Tsunade chose that exact moment to look up from her papers. She saw me in pain with a broken jaw and a pissed off Haruno-san with a scowl on her face. Hinata-nee-chan and Inuzuka-san looked quite scared. Then, she spoke:

"Hyuuga, what the hell happened to you? Did you pick a fight with the Kazekage? Shizune! Get over here!"

Shizune obeyed and waited for my answer. I gestured to my jaw in what I hoped to be almost an apology. No such luck, though. She thought I was just being a smart-ass. Wordlessly, though, she healed my face and I was free to smirk again.

"I had hoped to make a good impression on the Kazekage, so that he would respect me and my clan. We Hyuuga's are very powerful, you know. Not even Gaara-sama would want to make enemies of us. Right?"

I saw only a scowl. Shit.

"Hyuuga," grunted the Suna man, "shut up and stop being a little bitch. I don't care about your destiny, I don't care that your clan has power, and I certainly don't care about you. Who in their right mind is going to respect a stuck up little prick that just got their ass kicked by a girl?"

I couldn't argue with that logic.

SasukeUchihaHasGastricDistress

Well, I suppose it's a start. Keep in mind that I only started it because one of you dear readers reviewed three times. Next chapter will probably be longer and a little less OOC. I do not advise leaving that one reviewer to do all the work. The rest of you, REVIEW! Three reviews or no next chapter. Cookies for good reviewers! Flames welcome.


	2. Pudding and Kazekage Rape!

Ah, yet another chapter

Ah, yet another chapter. And this time, people actually did what I asked them to and reviewed! Cookies for all! I feel so happy that you guys actually like my story. It almost makes me want to just stop writing and bask in the joy of it all. But then, you would kill me if I stopped writing. So, to prevent my death, I will continue to type this thing out.

Disclaimer: me no own. If I did, I would SO kick Sasuke's ass.

SasukeUchihaHasGastricDistress

I was handpicked from my team to escort Gaara-sama during his stay in the village. He told me the others were too…annoying. Line-stealer. Uchiha-san would kill him for this. No matter. It was my job to do this, and my destiny. It was important.

Gaara-sama now turned to face me. His eyes were startling pools of jade, staring into my very soul.

"I'm hungry," he told me. There was a pudding shop nearby, so I asked if he would like to go. "Hn," was his reply. When we got there, they were having a special sale on chocolate pudding, so I paid for two bowls and gave one to the Kazekage. He took it without a word and started eating.

When he had finished, he looked longingly at my bowl, which was still half-full. Being the gentlemanly Hyuuga that I am, I bit back my protest and surrendered it. His face was expressionless, but his eyes told me he was pleased with my pudding.

I was not expecting what happened next. Suddenly, he whipped around in his seat and threw the bowl at my head, covering my face and hair with chocolate pudding. This would never come out! It would take hours of washing and still it would never leave me. Oh, my hair, my beautiful hair! Ruined!

The people around us started laughing. Me, a Hyuuga, covered in chocolate pudding! Oh, ANBU would be laughing about this for weeks. My life was ruined! All because of that evil Kazekage! I mean, really, what kind of political leader goes around throwing pudding at their escorts? It was madness!

Gaarra-sama didn't seem fazed by my trademark Hyuuga Glare. However, everyone at the pudding shop who had rabidfangirlitis was more than a little unnerved. They didn't leave, though. They just stayed there and made my life a living Hell.

SasukeUchihaHasGastricDistress

It took hours until I finally got all of the pudding out of my hair. I used three whole bottles of my special coconut shampoo and in the end my beautiful coffee-brown locks were a tangled, fruity-smelling mess. Not only that, but Gaara-sama _insisted_ on staying in my living room throughout the whole ordeal. He didn't say anything, but I could tell he found my grueling situation to be funny as hell. Fucking asshole. I hated his guts right now. Here I was having a severe emotional breakdown and he had the _nerve_ to just stand there smirking? Kami, how I wished he would die!

"Hyuuga." There it was, that smooth, velvety voice of his. Damn him to Hell.

"Kazekage-sama."

"You smell like a fruity dick."

"W-wha? H-how would you know what f-fruity dicks smell like?" Kami, I was stuttering like my cousin now…

"I sucked you fat mother's last night." Oh. No. He. Did. Not.

Oh yes he did. Gaara-sama had gone and insulted my poor dead mother! This time he had gone too far.

"BITCH! YOU DIE FOR THIS!" and with that last comment, I lunged for his throat. We each grappled and writhed for about half an hour until the doorbell so rudely rang. And of course, in the rudeness of it all, the vile little fucker didn't bother waiting for me to get the door. Kiba Inuzuka just burst right in and saw us. Shit.

KIBA'S P.O.V.

Lady Tsunade told me to go get Neji-san and Gaara-sama and bring them to her office. She didn't say why, she just said it was important that I bring the two of them here A.S.A.P. So I go to Neji's place, right, and I ring the damn doorbell. I wait five seconds and when no one answers I decide to just go ahead in. Neji-san wouldn't mind, right? Right.

Or at least, that's what I thought. Little did I know that he and Gaara-sama were doing a little something on the living room floor. But of course, he doesn't warn me, so I just go ahead in. Only to find Neji-san straddling the poor Kazekage with one hand on his chest and the other tangled in his blood-red hair. Gaara-sama himself did not seem to enjoy this.

What the hell did I just walk in on? So, naturally, I do the first thing that comes to mind.

"RAPE! RAPE! HYUUGA NEJI IS RAPING THE KAZEKAGE! RAPIST ON THE LOOSE! Oh, and, the Hokage wants you both in her office. Now. RAPE!"

NEJI'S P.O.V.

Shit. This was not good. What about my reputation? What would people think? Inuzuka-san had just spread word that I was flat out raping Gaara-sama. How was I going to fix this? How the hell would I explain this to _TenTen_? Unfortunately, I did not have time to answer these questions, because at that moment, Hiashi-sama burst into the room, demanding an explanation for all of this. Why was his nephew charged or raping a major political figure? What happened to all the special coconut shampoo he just bought? Wasn't he supposed to be with the Lady Hokage right now? And he was still on top of Gaara-sama, damn it! Couldn't the world just leave him alone?

SasukeUchihaHasGastricDistress

I know I promised longer chapters and less OOC-ness, but I can only do so much. I've got writer's block! Ack! Accursed…Ah well. I'll get over it, I suppose. Reviews will help. A lot. They make my evil writer's block go away and they promise another chapter. Remember—same rule applies as last time. If I don't get at least three reviews, there will be no next chapter. No exceptions. Three reviews isn't that much, you know. Please? For the story's sake? Flames completely welcome. I will use them to bake the cookies I give out to good reviewers.


	3. Here to Stay! What Will Neji Do?

Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, but I've been stuck in the hospital. It sucked ass. Anywho, thanks to everyone who finally reviewed! This chapter can finally be posted! Woot! Cookies for everyone!

Disclaimer: if I owned this, I would SO kick Sasuke's ass.

SasukeUchihaHasGastricDistress

_You smell like a fruity dick. _Fruity dick. That made no sense at all. Since when was my dick fruity? Or my poor mother's? Wait a minute. Mother doesn't _have_ a dick. I'm confused. And that stupid Inuzuka boy just walked right in and started screaming. Rape! Really. Why would I, the great Hyuuga Neji, rape a poor little sap like Gaara-sama? It's not like me at all. Unless I was drunk. Maybe if I was drunk…

**Flashback**

"_But Shino…you coat is so big! Why don't you take it off?"_

_The bug-nin looked very uncomfortable, as if the idea of removing his signature overcoat for the stuck up Hyuuga prodigy somehow unnerved him. "I'll pass, Neji-san."_

"_Please? For me?" At this, Neji started to stumble over to the poor boy in a drunken state of lust. Hands so fast shot up and grabbed the cloth of the heavy white coat and started unbuttoning it. Shino looked terrified. Well, as scared as Shino got anyway. You never know with those glasses. _

_Soon the massive garment was off and piled around the floor. Neji smirked and made a grab for the glasses. Why, oh why had he agreed to take Neji home from the pub? The glasses were in the proud Hyuuga's hand and Shino started to scream. He screamed so loud it woke the neighbors. But that was nothing compared to the screams he emitted when Neji went for the pants. _

**End Flashback**

I shuddered at the memory. Why had I done that? So much screaming and crying…the tears in his eyes as I took his stiff cock in my mouth. I liked it.

**Flashback**

_Another wail escaped his dry, tired throat and Neji flipped him over. He positioned his throbbing, pulsing dick and positioned it at the bug-user's entrance. Thrusting in and out, in and out, faster until the cries coming from the distressing Shino were all but deafening. A sadistic grin played on the Hyuuga's face as the Auburame man simply broke down and started sobbing. He did not remove himself from the poor boy. Neji continued to pump in and out until he came. _

_Hiashi's POV_

_Hiashi heard the screams coming from his nephew's room, but figured he was just watching another monster movie. He did not act on this until he heard the crying. He let this continue for about an hour, and then decided to go check it out._

_Shino's POV_

_Hiashi threw the door open to find them stark naked and panting on the bed. Blood from Shino's ass was pouring out onto the sheets. Neji took no notice of his uncle and pinned Shino down, kissing him harshly. Limbs were flailing and still he would not let up. Neji's hot tongue invaded his mouth and slid down his throat. He was running out of air, but the other boy seemed not to notice this as well. His only thoughts seemed to be bent on causing him as much pain as physically possible. _

"_Neji, stop it!" bellowed Hiashi. "That's enough. Auburame, go home."_

_Shino seemed glad to finally get away from Neji, go he quickly pulled on his glasses and clothes and left. _

**End Flashback**

I liked it. The bastard had told Kiba-san, and he had told Hinata-sama, but I still liked it. Very, very much. I was drunk, I admit it, but it was still fun as hell.

But why would I do that to the Kazekage? He means nothing to me. He's just an ordinary political figure. That damned Haruno girl meant more to him than I did, and that's because she healed his weird puppety brother. I would never indulge in such things. Dolls are for girls. I prefer _action figures_.

A knock came at the door to my room. "Enter," I said.

Hiashi-sama came in and looked at me.

"Neji, boy, the Hokage has given me a message for you." In his hand was a folded piece of paper. I took it from him and began to read:

_Hyuuga Neji,_

_Normally the Kazekage would be staying in his private suite, but it was recently attacked by Naruto and a can of paint and is currently under repair. For the time being, Gaara-sama will be staying with you. His belongings should be arriving shortly and Gaara himself will soon return from the market. He has been informed of this and will accordingly be escorted to your home instead of the monstrosity that was his apartment. _

_I am told he enjoys strawberries and must have Mr. Bear with him at all times. He must have his peanut butter promptly at midnight and no one is to touch his gourd. My apprentice, Haruno Sakura, will be along with him to help him adjust to your frumpy ways. _

_Oh, and, by the way, he must never, ever, have excessive amounts of sugar on a Tuesday._

_Good luck,_

_Tsunade_

Here? Belongings? Haruno Sakura? This is going to be one hell of a time. How long is he going to be here? Is the guest house cleaned? What will I wear? Did Hanabi put away her Super Sugar Marshmallow Sugar Cereal? What will he bring back from the market? Frumpy? Since when? Tomorrow is Tuesday! What shall I do, what shall I do? Why would anyone touch that gourd? Do we even _have_ strawberries and peanut butter? And just who the hell is Mr. Bear? Will no one explain these things to me?

"Hiashi-sama, is the guest room prepared for the arrival of a Kage?"

"The guest room has been recently destroyed because Hanabi threw a tantrum when we were out of that special cereal of hers. Gaara will be staying with you, boy. In your room."

"But Uncle, where would he sleep? There is only one bed!"

"On your bed, of course."

"But what about me? I got needs too, BABY!"

Hiashi sweatdropped at this comment. "Erm…you can either ask if he will allow you to share your tiny bed with him, or you can sleep on the cold, stone floor."

"But…but…I…how the…WHY? WHY! WHY! WHY! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR AT ALL! WHY SHOULD HE GET TO SLEEP ON MY NICE, COMFY BED? WHY DO WE HAVE TO HOUSE HIM? WHAT ABOUT THAT HARUNO GIRL! SHE'S RICH! SHE'S GOT PLENTY OF EXTRA ROOM AT HER PLACE!"

"Fairness has nothing to do with it, Neji. That is the way of the ninja."

SasukeUchihaHasGastricDistress

Well, certainly not my best, but definitely not the worst. I promise after this the plot will start working and this will be a relatively good story. Sorry this was so late and short, but like I said, I was in the hospital. I couldn't type. Anywho, thanks for all those reviews! It took a few weeks to get to three, but we made it! So I reward you guys with yet another chapter of this horrifically epic tale. Cookies to anyone who can guess the pairing! I'll give you a hint: Neji. You know the drill by now, three reviews or no story. It shouldn't be that hard, right? Just click the little lavender button over there. See, it's calling you. **cliiick meeee. Cliiiiiiiiick meeeeeee.** You should listen to it. Until next time, my friends. I love you all!

With psychotic flair,

Winged Gorganzola


	4. OMG! Sorry! Please Forgive Me!

Okay people

Okay people. Today, I have something to tell you:

I have to stop typing this story. Here are my reasons.

I still have my other fanfics to work on. This isn't the only multi-chapter story I'm working on. It's just the only one I'm posting. When the other ones are finished, or at least back on track, I'll start on this again.

I have a terrible, terrible writer's block.

There is LOTS of planning for me to do for the next couple of weeks, including other stories, appointments, punching morons in the face…

Two words: little brothers. They're constantly telling me to log them onto the computer, or cook bacon for them, bypass the locks on the TV, and show them internet porn. None of which I enjoy doing.

I have a bit of a grudge to settle over vacation. For certain reasons I wish to keep to myself.

My best friend is having problems with a guy and I have to help her with them. I AM NOT GOOD AT GIVING ADVICE! I never have been.

ANYWHO….before I get distracted and lose my train of thought like I do almost every day, I'm sorry. I really wish I could work on this, but I can't.

So, if you could please find it in your hearts to forgive me…..I would be eternally grateful. I am not discontinuing this story. By all means, no. Just…..postponing it, I think would be the right word. I promise, I will update soon! Give me a few weeks, tops. If I haven't given you guys anything by then, feel free to hurt me. This is just like the time I lost my files, except this time I'm losing what little sanity I still have.

Hope I haven't disappointed you guys too much. GaaraxNejixIsxHot, you get the most Sorrys. Cause I love you best.

With love, psychosis, and Failure,

Winged Gorganzola.

P.S. same rules apply as with the other chapters. If I don't get three reviews, I won't bother writing another chapter. I really am sorry about this. I hope I don't lose any readers like I did the last time I had to say Sorrys. Cookies for all who are patient enough to wait for me! I love you! Feel free to read my other stories to pass the time!


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